Love More Give More

And just like that, one by one they fell to the ground. They were taunted to get up, but they dare not move..

I’ve seen things similar to this before but never anything of this degree. This is real. This is war. This is flesh against flesh. It’s a battle for your soul. It’s a battle for YOU. And while others may rebel, you hold tight with a steadfast grip. You shalt not waiver. Why? Because you know better. You know that He is in you and is greater than a pessimistic mafia of discouragement. You remember where you came from, who you were and who you are now. You have scars and are not afraid to get a few more.
They know sticks and stones can’t break you, so they use words. You shalt not be defeated. You guard your heart because it’s the wellspring of life to which quenches your souls thirst. While others are drinking the waters that leave the parched after only a short while, your mouth is never dry. While you may become tired, you don’t show it. Your source is consistent and it gives you the drive to go where you need to go.

As they approached with the perception of you being unconscious, little did they know that you were interceding and were persistent in petitioning God to fight the battle because it is His, not yours. Your battle was against the dark and depressing demons in another realm. At your moment of surrender, God met you. At that very moment, the battle was over. Just that like, you were victorious.

This is just frustration flowing from the tips of my fingers. I tried to move past the hurt but it’s to late and now animosity lingers. It floods the room like a think smog. Straight up pollution hovering right under the tip of my nose.
I’ll look to see if there’s a way out of feeling like this because believe me, it’s such a distraction. I feel sick. Why can’t this be fiction?
I know I can’t let my head hang to low. It’s the worst when you’re hurt and your feelings show.
Believe me, I’ve tried to move past it. I’ve tried to let it go because I know that you’re over it. You’re way over it.
I wish I could erase that memory because you know what baby girl, you don’t look as good as you used to. I’d love to view you as the same because the view before was absolutely beautiful; vivid. Like nothing I had ever seen.
But looks don’t mean a thing when they’re displayed with such a poor exhibit.
This is how baggage is created. I wish you could have handed it to someone that deserved it. I know I didn’t.
Why don’t you save yourself and the next guy and the next guy and the next from the torture of knowing how you hurt, but the other person doesn’t even care.
Out of all the times I’ve tried to make your realize, I don’t want you back, I just want you to get it. I know you’ll blow this off, like you’ve blown everything else off. It’s just how you do. Time after time after time, I wish you’d just get it.
I’ll always look for the good in you. That’s why I’ll never give up. I know it’s there because I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. It’s touched me.
You can try and make me think that there is nothing wrong and the problem is with me. But I know other wise. I know you’re just trying to be deceiving. And while it’s relieving to you, it doesn’t get past me. I try not to let on, but I’m smarter than you think.
I hope and pray that you snap out of your Jersey Shore world where it’s all about you and the status that you have. Money can buy you happiness, but that’s about it. What happens when you run out of happiness and you’re all out of money? Do you have a back up plan? I think you should. I think you should toss the reality show life in the trash because cash don’t last.
I don’t have it all figured out, but I know a damsel in distress when I see one. And while I may stop to try and help you out, others may not. Don’t even try and come on to me, I don’t want to be your hero. I just want to see you get help. You need it. The world needs you more than you need the world.


(I know the beginning doesn’t flow with the rest of it. It’s 3:30am. I’m tired haha)

Here’s another shot at getting things right, or did I mean here’s to?
My thoughts really jumble together lately. I think it’s from all of the alcohol I’ve been drinking. It just seems to numb the pain. It helps me forget. But I forget what I forgot and I don’t seem to learn anything. Rather than pouring out, I just pour into myself. The fuller I get the more hurt comes out. What was I even hurt about? I can’t remember. But here’s another one to getting things right, here’s another shot? Do you see what I mean? I don’t understand anymore. I know I’ve made to many mistakes and I think that I drink to much. “Sorry for partying!”, I always say. I just want to have a good time. It seems like I do. From what I can remember anyway. I feel as if the insides of me are deteriorating. I know I’m destroying the insides of anyone and everyone that cares about me, but I don’t know how to stop. I’m so far gone and my friends are so far away. I just don’t know..
They say a sober mind speaks a sober heart, but I wouldn’t know anything about that. I’ve taken to many shots. Order another one, just put it on my tab. I’m just trying to get it right. It seems to cost so much. So much that I hurt people. No one wants to bail me out anymore. I feel like I’m on my own. I drank that last one way to fast. Maybe I should slow down. They tell me that I say the stupidest things but I don’t remember what I said. It happens all of the time. No one likes me. I have so many bad people in my life. No one believes in me. No one ever has. I drank that one even faster. I thought I wanted to slow down. Who knows.
I’ll wake up in the morning and wonder what happened. Will you tell me? One more drink..actually, make that two. I may have a few more. Well, here’s to another at getting things right. Another shot please..

What if instead of going home after Sunday morning church service, we forgot about ourselves and as an ENTIRE full functioning body, went out into the community and made a difference by loving and giving to people? I wonder what it would be like to go to a church that did that every Sunday. I wonder how many people would go to it, or if anyone would go to it.

Excuses of why WE don’t:
We want family time? Spend your family time doing that and I promise you’ll be blessed. What a better way to build your family a foundation of love than to love others.

We need to relax? No we don’t. We’re called to go and tell the world, not to hurry home and watch a football game and change into our sweats.

We have stuff you need to get done? Great! This is one of the things we need to be doing! There are people out there dying, starving, lonely and broken. They think we could care less if they’re dead or alive. Show them different. Just encase we have forgotten, they have a soul too.

We don’t feel called? Would it take Jesus himself to tell us before we would act? If so, He already did in Matthew 28. That is a mandate.

We help out in other areas of the church. Awesome! But it’s about before the service starts and after it’s over. Let’s not forget about the rest of our community that wasn’t in service. What about them? Or do we really care?

Jesus said the two most important things we could do was to “Love God and love people”. 

Matthew 22:36-40 (The Message)

The Most Important Command

 ^34-36When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: “Teacher, which command in God’s Law is the most important?”

 ^37-40Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Am I saying that we have to go out into the community to fulfill what Jesus said in Matthew 22? No. But it’s a good place to start.

 The problem is, it takes everyone to do what I’m talking about. Will it never happen, probably not. The whole church wont get on board. If this idea was announced, I’d be surprised if more than a few showed up. It’s hard to think outside of ourselves. It’s hard to think outside of myself. Habits are hard to break, but are possible.

I hope this isn’t taken as condemning. There is no condemnation in Christ. I’m just voicing some thoughts that I had :)


Love More Give More.

I wrote this for a comp 101 essay. The topic was, What is one gift that God has given you?. Thought I’d share it with the world. Enjoy.

When I’m faced with answering the question of, “What are some of the gift’s God has given you?, my mind wanders into the state of ability. I begin to think about various talents, qualities and other traits that are subjective to my own strengths. These are, for the most part, things that I can do on my own. Being able to play music is one of my abilities that stands out the most. It is by far the most obvious one. People that I have never met are able to pick up on it. However, I believe that gifts run so much deeper than personal ability. Please don’t discount what I’m trying to convey. God is the one that created me with the talents that I have, it’s not something that I acquired by my own doings. With that very thought being taken into consideration, my mind has finally stopped drifting. The answer to the question is, life. Life is the greatest gift that God has given me. Through this gift, I am able to grow in relationship with Him and with others. If I didn’t have a life, then what good would my abilities be? What is the greatest gift that God has given you?

So many times I’ve found myself in a difficult situation that didn’t seem to have a bright, shinny light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. I use the word light to describe a new beginning, not an end. And when I say, “Didn’t seem to” I’m referring to the unknown. Because, I don’t know. I don’t know what the end result would be, and I don’t stick around long enough to find out. I don’t know if it would be an ending or a new beginning  or an end. I dig myself deep into a hole; a hole that seems to be impossible to climb out of. I’ve failed so many times.  But this time, although I removed myself from the situation, I think I did the right thing.

One of the things I’ve learned in life, and this might surprise you but, I’m not perfect! As a matter of fact, I’m so far from it, that I’m convinced, I’m the most imperfect person to ever exist. I have to cling to the love and grace of God in order to keep living because there are lots of days where living seems to have no meaning to it at all. I feel like I have zero direction in my life right now. I’ve prayed about it and get nothing back. The little amount of hope that I have in my right now seems to be vanishing quickly. 

I heard about a program called [Ca]dre in Little Rock, AR back in January of this year. I was going through a tough time with a band that I was in and knew that the time for transition was soon to fall upon me. I took one of the first doors that opened. As I began to check into the idea of doing Cadre, I thought for sure that it would be good for me. The more I visited the idea in my head, the more excited I got. A short time later, I was in pursuit of the program.

As the excitement began to raise, I started to tell more and more people about the endeavor that I was about to undergo. I got a lot of mixed feelings on it from a lot of different people. As the feelings began to flood my mind, doubt started to creep in. Reflecting back on it now, I’m not even sure my heart was in it in the first place. But if it was, even just slightly, it began to shatter at the sound of negativity.

Months had quickly flown by, and I found myself passing the deadline for registration. The job I was working at the time was only temporary. I wasn’t doing much with my life. The band that had been talking with wasn’t going to be doing much until the end of the year. It is safe to say that I had nothing going for me. I decided to see if I would be accepted into the program, even though it was after the deadline. Sure enough, I was accepted. I figured that since I wasn’t doing anything else, Cadre would be something to pursue. I liked the general idea of it and after talking with the director, I decided to go for it. What I didn’t take into consideration was if my heart was in it or not.

After but a short 10 days, I came to the realization that to get anything productive out of it, my heart has to be in it. I again, talked with the director, and it looks like I’m about to transition into something else, although I have no idea what it will entail.

Here I sit in a Starucks in Maumelle, AR realizing that I’ve yet failed again. But this time, I didn’t run from it just because it was tough, I ran because what I was doing held not even a shadow in my heart. The only tough thing about it was the academics. I could’ve figured that part out with time. In the same token, if my heart isn’t in it, what’s the use.
I would like to say that leaders did fight very hard to keep me around. Props for that. Also, they were willing to meet me where I needed to be met, to an extent. That was very gracious of them. I’m thankful for that. 

I’m about to find out if I was way off or did the right thing by stepping down. On a more positive note, I’ve enjoyed seeing the sunrise in the morning :)

Life. Laughter. Love.